Geography

I almost didn’t notice the shift from snow covered mountains to brown cracked earth. The change should have been paramount. However, the only thing I could think of as I stared through the airplane window were the decisions I had taken to arrive at this moment. My eyes glazed over the changing landscape before me as the plane hurtled through the air. This was the third and last flight on my trip home. I realized there were no hiding places in the unforgiving desert where I could take refuge. There would be no white-topped trees to shield me from the rest of the world.

I had never wanted so desperately to hide. To stay suspended, just like the plane in midair, and not have to face the consequences of my actions. I had taken all of my hopes and dreams and wrapped them around a romanticized idea of what my future should be. I had left home too young and naïve and the world had recognized my innocence and found it too tempting. It took action in the form of rejecting me from the place which was supposed to be my home. The rose-colored idea quickly unraveled into something rotting and dead, which prompted my escape from the snow-covered mountains I had so craved to the dry desert I was so familiar with.  

The plane made its descent and landed. I closed my eyes and thought of the finality of this decision. There was no chance of going back. The plane couldn’t change course and somehow take me back in time to when the idea of snow made me smile. 

I made my way through baggage claim and my mother found me as I collected my suitcases. She enveloped me in a warm embrace that I didn’t deserve. We exited the airport and the night sky greeted us with twinkling stars. As I looked up to see the white of the moon, I recognized that my surrounding geography wasn’t what I should worry about. The stars hadn’t changed their brightness or distance in the galaxy simply because I was in a different place. The moon had continued through its phases and my travels had not interfered. These nighttime entities simply stared back at me with no expectations. I tried to imagine that they wouldn’t judge me for my mistakes.